today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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