i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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