Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
