dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
