So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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