Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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