But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
