Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
