remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
