My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize