the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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