Your mouth is God's brothel.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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