Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i drank out of a bidet.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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