How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
