I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
