o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
