Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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