I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
