i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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