My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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