We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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