She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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