I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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