i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
