He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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