remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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