Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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