Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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