You're so nebulous sometimes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can I color on your dick again?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
