oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
