It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i out mim tonsoeep
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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