508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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