i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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