Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The uberlube is also flammable
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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