I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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