You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
