Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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