I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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