Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
