Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
