you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
