we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
