I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
