my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
