He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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