i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my being single is dangerous.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
