I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
