I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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