He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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