You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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