You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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