The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
