yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
