then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
