Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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