Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
