My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
