When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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