Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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