I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize