I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
