that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
