just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
