I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
