What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
