Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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