wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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