so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think my moral compass just broke
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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