Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
