when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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