Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
