There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
