True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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