Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
