i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
