you told grandpa to call you daddy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
