Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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