ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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