we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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